please welcome the very funny mike vecchione ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> new york city, baby [ cheers and applause my name is mike. i'm in my 40s. some of you might be younger, so i'll tell you what it's like to be in your 40s. [ light laughter ] whether i lift weights or get drunk, my body feels about the same [ light laughter ] the next day i'm just achy and sore, questioning all of my life's choices [ light laughter ] my father gave me some very bad advice growing up. and it's going to sound like good advice when i say it. but now that i'm in my 40s, i know it's bad. this was the advice. he said, "michael, always give 100%." he said, "you can't go wrong if you always give 100%." that, my friends, is false [ laughter ] if you give 100% at all times, you will end up in a mental institution. [ laughter ] but you have to try sometimes. so what i do now is when i walk into a situation, i check my cell phone whatever percentage my battery is at -- [ laughter ] that's how much effort i give. [ cheers and applause tonight, they were like, "mike, this crowd deserves 100%." i said "37% is wh